There are moments in life when it feels like every other person is moving forward while your own life is stuck on one spot. Your friend just got engaged. Someone you grew up with is posting pictures of their new car. A colleague announces a promotion with better pay. A neighbour is already talking about relocating abroad. And you sit there thinking:
“When will it be my turn?”
It is a tough feeling a mixture of fear, confusion, frustration, and quiet sadness. You start wondering if something is wrong with you. You begin to question your efforts. You start asking yourself whether you missed a step somewhere.
But the truth, which many people forget, is this:
Nothing is wrong with you.
Your journey simply has a different timing.
Life is not an event where everyone must arrive at the same destination at the same time. We are not following the same path. We are not carrying the same weight. We do not have the same background, support system, opportunities, or even the same purpose.
Think about it every story you have ever read or heard has its own unique direction. Some characters rise early in the story. Some rise later. Some go through the fire before they shine. Some shine quietly, while others shine loudly. It is the combination of all these differences that makes every story meaningful.
WHY COMPARISON FEELS SO HEAVY
This times and season people show only their results, not their process. Social media especially makes it easy to think that others have it all figured out. But what you see online is never the whole story.
You don’t see the nights they cried.
You don’t see the failures they hid.
You don’t see the risks they took.
You don’t see the doubts they battled.
You only see the final edit the polished, beautiful part. This is what the author Brené Brown talks about in her book “The Gifts of Imperfection” where she explains that people display their highlight moments but hide their struggles, creating pressure for others who think they’re the only ones facing difficulties. For more info visit http://Brené Brown
The author Mark Manson in “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck”* also mentions that we compare our behind-the-scenes with other people’s carefully curated highlights, and this creates a false sense that we are failing. For more info visit http://Mark Manson
So, while you admire someone’s success, always remember:
Everyone has a story behind their growth.
You just may not know it.
And that is why comparing your journey with someone else’s is like comparing two books with completely different authors, chapters, and purposes.
HOW TO STOP COMPARING YOURSELF AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR JOURNEY
Below are practical, clear, real steps you can start applying immediately. These are simple enough for anyone to understand, and powerful enough to transform your mindset.
1. Acknowledge How You Feel Don’t Pretend
Many people try to suppress their feelings when comparison starts hurting them. They pretend they are not bothered. They pretend they don’t care. But the truth is, pretending does not bring healing.
It’s okay to feel frustrated.
It’s okay to want progress.
It’s okay to feel like you’re behind.
What matters is what you do with the feeling.
What to do:
Get a pen and paper. Write down what exactly makes you feel “behind.”
Is it finances?
Is it your career?
Is it relationships?
Is it your personal growth?
Writing it down helps you understand the feeling, not just carry it around.
In the book “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman, he explains that emotional awareness is the first step to emotional healing. If you cannot name what you feel, you cannot change it. I’d love you to visit http://Daniel Goleman
So be honest with yourself.
Admit where it hurts.
That is how healing begins.
2. Define Your Own Vision
Sometimes comparison happens because you do not clearly know what you want. You only see what others are achieving, and you start thinking that is what you also want.
But is it really what you want?
Or is it just what you saw?
When your personal vision is not clear, other people’s achievements will confuse you. You start chasing goals that don’t belong to you.
Ask yourself:
What kind of life do I truly want?
What makes me happy?
What matters to me personally?
What does success mean to me not what society expects?
Write it down.
The author Stephen R. Covey, in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, teaches that one of the most important habits you can build is to “begin with the end in mind.” Meaning: define your direction before you start moving. Visit http://Stephen R. Covey
When you know who you are and what you want, comparison loses its power.
3. Break Your Goals Into Small, Realistic Steps
One reason many people feel stuck is because they are trying to change their entire lives in one move. They want big results instantly. But real growth doesn’t work like that.
Focus on progress, not miracles.
Examples:
If you want to save money → Start with ₦500 or ₦1,000 daily.
If you want to learn a new skill → Practice 20–30 minutes daily.
If you want to grow spiritually → Pray or reflect for 10 minutes daily.
In the book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear, http://James Clear he explains that tiny daily habits create massive long-term transformation. This is the principle of “1% improvements” small steps that build up over time.
Always remember:
Small steps lead to big transformation.
Your job is not to jump the ladder.
Your job is to climb it one step at a time.
4. Celebrate Your Small Wins
You woke up earlier today?
You showed up for yourself?
You tried again even when you didn’t feel like it?
You learned something new today?
That is progress. Celebrate it.
Most people ignore their small wins. They only celebrate big achievements. But big achievements come from small daily steps.
Like the author Robin Sharma wrote in “The 5 AM Club”, small daily improvements are the key to massive success. Check out http://Robin Sharma
Clap for yourself, even when the progress is small.
You are not where you used to be.
That is worth celebrating.
5. Limit Social Media Comparison
Social media is one of the biggest sources of silent pressure today. You can admire people and celebrate their wins without measuring yourself by them.
Try this:
Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate.
Reduce your screen time.
Follow pages that inspire growth, not pressure.
Take breaks from social media when necessary.
In “Digital Minimalism” by Cal Newport, he explains that overconsumption of social media leads to mental clutter, comparison, and unnecessary anxiety. Protect your peace. It is your fuel. http://Cal Newport
6. Stay Focused on Your Path
Growth is rarely fast, but it is always meaningful. The real winners in life are the people who stay consistent even when it looks like nothing is happening.
Keep learning.
Keep improving.
Keep moving.
Even if nobody sees your hard work yet, your time will come.
The sun and the moon do not shine at the same time, yet both shine beautifully when it is their time.
Your time will come too.
And when it comes, everything you went through will make sense:
The delays.
The waiting.
The lessons.
The growth.
The disappointments.
The prayers.
The tears.
They are shaping you into the person who will be ready for that moment.
In “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho, according to http://Paulo Coelho the entire story teaches that every person’s journey has its own timing, and everything that happens along the way prepares you for your destiny.
So trust your process, even when it feels slow.
WHY YOU MUST NOT COMPARE YOUR JOURNEY WITH OTHERS
Here are powerful truths to remember:
1. You don’t know their full story.
Everyone has scars they don’t show.
2. You don’t have the same starting point.
Some people had support. Some didn’t. Some had opportunities. Some didn’t.
3. You don’t have the same purpose.
Your assignment is different. Your path will also be different.
4. You will miss your blessings if you are watching others.
Focus gives birth to progress. Distraction destroys momentum.
5. Your time will come.
Nobody shines forever. Everyone has their season.
A PRACTICAL “NO COMPARISON” ACTION PLAN
Below is a simple, 7-day plan you can start immediately.
DAY 1 — Self-Reflection
Write down what triggers comparison in your life.
DAY 2 — Define Your Goals
Write your top 5 priorities for the next 6 months.
DAY 3 — One Small Step
Choose one tiny action that supports one of your goals.
DAY 4 — Celebrate Something Small
Write down one small win from your week.
DAY 5 — Social Media Detox
Reduce 1 hour of screen time today.
DAY 6 — Gratitude Writing
List 10 things you are grateful for in your life.
DAY 7 — Review Your Progress
Check what improved during the week, no matter how small.
Repeat this weekly. Your mindset will change.
WHAT YOU MUST ALWAYS REMEMBER
No matter how slow your progress feels, you are not behind. Life is not a competition. You are allowed to grow gently, at your own pace.
You are not late.
You are not failing.
You are not forgotten.
You are unfolding.
You are becoming.
You are evolving.
And when your time arrives, it will come with clarity, strength, peace, and maturity all the things your waiting season helped you develop.
IN CONCLUSION
Just keep going.
Don’t rush your story.
Don’t compare your pace.
Just show up for yourself every day even in small ways.
Your journey is still unfolding, beautifully.
Your season will come.
And when it does, everything you went through will finally make sense.
